Monday, January 13, 2014

The People You Meet In College

When I first made any contact with my roommates at Dixon Lodge I kind of knew that I liked them right away. I was worried that Em would be too shy and Bay would be too in your face. I was stupid in judging two beautiful books by their cover. I started by adding Em to Facebook in hopes of stalking her in order to figure her out, but to no avail; her posts were ordinary and sometimes fleeting, leaving no trace as to who she really was on the Facebook page. She then told me to add our oter roommate, Bay, and I did, receiving her number not too much later. Em and I texted a few times, mostly talking about the legistics of being roommates, while as Bay wanted to know every little detail about me there was; what my favourite music was, colors I liked, movies and people. Both of them struck me as unique. 
When I met them face to face I was shaking. What if they looked at me and just cringed? What if all of this hard work I put into building a foundation to our relation was for nothing? The opposite occurred. Both Bay and Em hugged me and just smiled. We all three stared at each other and things just clicked, like we all were in the right place at the right time. 
Bay is bright an quirky. She likes music and makeup and clothes and I always know where to turn to for advice on girl things, and she is always ready to help. She is the one I turn to when people are pissing me off or when I am crying because she doesn't tell me everything will be alright but she listens to me and seems to know just the right way to calm down without telling me to do so. 
Em is sweet and funny. At first glance she is shy but when she breaks free of her bubble it's like a light switch in a dark room. Her voice is powerful and whenever she says something it has a purpose, which I absolutely love. We talk about boyfriend goods and bads and I know that whatever I say to her won't be judged. 
I know that a lot of people are friends with their roommates but I think we are more than that. 
I completely adore them. 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Emotional Rollercoster Act I

          Sometimes I think of myself as a special kind of poison. When that has a really nice 

flavor, scent and it's own unique feeling. I feel like I attract people, which is nice, because I 

typically like people. Well, the nice ones. The problem with me is that I'm one of those poisons 

that slowly eats away at everything, it starts when we meet, and then, if we become friends (or 

more than friends) I feel like I just eat everything away until you are left with just me. Which is 

good for me, because I love having friends, but its bad for you, because.. well, you just have 

me. 
         
          I know that this sounds kind of sad and give me attention-ish but it's just how I feel. I think 

Harm knows all to well of my poison. When I moved to Oregon to live with my grandma, one 

could say I was an emotional wreck. I was diagnosed with PTSD and along with that came 

anxiety attacks that rocked my world, and no, not in the good way. I'm talking, movie status 

panic attacks, rocking back and forth, breathing heavily, panting, crying. I was a disaster. My 

grandma knows all too well about my issues, as well as my therapist. 
          
          When I met Harm I was better, but definitely not what you would call a sane person. He'll 

read this and disapprove, but he has saved me just as much as my grandma and my therapist 

have. They all worked together without necessarily meaning to to help me become a semi-

sane person. Harm is the epitome of understanding and empathy, because, although he did 

not know what it felt like to be in my shoes, he tried his best to understand me and, best of all, 

he believed me. 
         
          I had only been dating him for two months when I told him about my past, he didn't 

second guess me or ask any questions, he didn't say he was sorry. I hate it when people tell 

me they are sorry for what I've gone through. He didn't. He just nodded his head, looked me in 

the eyes and told me that I was strong, and that I deserve to be treated like an absolute 

princess. So what did he do? He treated me (and still does) like a queen. He believed me, he 

believed in me and he didn't say he was sorry. I fell in love.